When you're pulled in multiple directions

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Today's kindling:

• What should you do when you are pulled in multiple …

• How we end up feeling this way

• The tension between reflection and commitment to o …

• Confronting the grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side …

What should you do when you are pulled in multiple directions?

This question is at the heart of almost all of my work with career coaching clients.

In some, it manifests as overwhelm from considering several options and wanting parts of all of them.

In others, it manifests as apathy from the uncertainty they are confronted with when not knowing the best path to take.

When you don’t know what decision to make, or feel like you have lots of options to pursue, do you tend to feel overwhelmed, or apathetic?

How we end up feeling this way

The question, “What should you do when you feel pulled in multiple directions?” is one I’ve personally confronted dozens of times.

Each time it seems to feel as daunting and the last time.

I’ve learned that this feeling is universal. But when you’re actually in this place yourself? It feels lonely and like no one understands.

Oddly, when I think about the times in life that I have felt overwhelming uncertainty, or apathy about my situation, I realize it can stem from both times when there is a lack of options in my life (I feel stuck, like I’m doing the wrong thing), and when I have an excess of options and possibilities to choose from (I feel overwhelmed, and not sure what the right path is).

Typically, these experiences are very closely tied to each other. I end up with lots of possibilities and options because of being in a season where I felt stuck.

This happened a couple of years ago. Leading up to the holidays, I was feeling burned out and generally apathetic about my business.

The following questions got into my head, “Is this business really the best use of my creativity, skills and knowledge? Is this how I can really make the biggest impact, or is there something else out there for me?”

Once those questions were there, I couldn’t get rid of them.

I knew I was doing good work. I knew my clients were having amazing results and building careers they loved. I knew my business would grow over time and I’d be able to reach more people.

But what I didn’t know was how long it would take.

I didn’t know what the opportunity cost would be.

And that really started to eat at me.

Looking back, I realize that part of my error was giving the question, “Am I doing the best thing with my time?” too much importance.

The tension between reflection and commitment to our decisions

I couldn’t see it at the time, but I let that question lead me to a very anxious mental headspace.

I’m not one to just let life happen to me.

I am an action-taker.

So when things don’t seem to be working the way I want them to, I go into overdrive.

When I began doubting my effectiveness, I did everything I could to try and answer the question about what I should be doing.

I started considering all the other things I could be doing with my career and evaluating each of them.

I used my creativity to think of alternative paths I could pursue rather than using it to help me build the business I’d already committed to.

It was counterproductive.

Eventually, after a few weeks, I had several opportunities in front of me. I had contract offers, an interview for a full-time job, partnership offers and more clients.

I had to laugh at myself.

I created a whole different problem to deal with.

To be clear, I definitely felt like choosing between multiple good things was a much better situation than not having options at all, but it was still stressful.

For me, the comparison of opportunities and potential paths proved to be helpful. I gained a fresh sense of confidence about my decision to pursue my career coaching business at that time.

But I have a hard time distinguishing if the time I spent applying to jobs and researching other options was time-wasted, valuable, just a wash, or just part of the path of building something new.

What I do know is that if I did this circus every couple of months, every time I felt discouraged about my business, or heard about a cool opportunity, the negative impact would be significant on both my business and well-being.

Confronting the grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side syndrome

I have found that the situations that tend to make me, and those I coach, feel pulled in many directions are usually a “simple” case of the grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side syndrome.

When we start to believe that our situation isn’t good enough, we feel the lack of opportunity.

And if you set out to change that, what starts as a lack of options can turn into an abundance of options and possibilities--and it usually doesn’t take that long.

And that’s where the overwhelm sets in.

I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t imagine and pursue better opportunities for yourself.

Quite the contrary!

It’s just always so much more complicated that it seems at the start.

New evidence is submitted. New data enters the equation. Needs and responsibilities change.

We need to balance being flexible and able to pivot with being committed to what we’re building.

If you, like me, recognize that sometimes you’re your life’s own unreliable narrator, then it can be helpful to get honest with yourself about what’s making you want to run away, start from scratch or do something different.

You can ask yourself questions such as:

• Am I feeling inventive, or fearful?

• Am I feeling motivated, or jealous?

• Am I realizing things aren’t working, or am I bored?

The truth is, some situations are better than others for an individual. But the key to landing yourself in them is to get clear on what you really want, and why.

Otherwise, you’ll always be chasing someone else’s greener grass.

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I appreciate you! ❤️ 

Warmly,
Jennifer